My Own Worst Enemy

Ignorance isn't always bliss.  In fact, in my case it was the complete opposite.  Had I not been ignorant I could have saved myself a lot of problems.  Now I've got some knowledge of stress and depression I can see that there were plenty of indicators that I was on a slippery slope...

I've never really wanted to be a team manager.  Nothing against the job, but it's just not for me.  I'm more of a "sit quietly in the corner and work at my own pace" person.  Unfortunately for me, I was working for a company where becoming a team manger was the easiest way to progress.  Being the stubborn man that I am, I decided that I'd take the longer, harder path to success and try to get into marketing.  Back in 2006,  I was getting a  bit bored at work, but I thought I could cope with it as I was being sponsored to get my Professional Diploma in Marketing.  All I had to do was put the hard work in for 3 years and I'd be able to climb my way up the company ladder!

I actually enjoyed my college work.  I made some great friends, the course was interesting and I felt like it would help me progress.  However, I was getting increasingly fed up with work and it was around this time that I started showing signs of stress outside of work.  Pointless arguments, lethargy, a short concentration span and a generally negative outlook were all creeping into my life, both inside and outside of work.

Of course, I thought it was just a phase and I'd come out the other side no problem - especially when in 2009 I got my qualification and was all set to go.   Unfortunately, something called the Global Economic Crisis came along and any thoughts of progress came to a juddering stop.  So there I was, fully qualified for some jobs that didn't exist anymore!  I tried looking for jobs at other companies - I even got a couple of interviews - but I was stuck where I was and it was severely getting me down.

I realise that in the grand scheme of things I was still in a better position than a lot of people.  I hadn't been made redundant or even had to cope with a pay cut, but as I've said before, we're all different, and I was discovering that I wasn't very good at coping with adversity.

2010 saw my problems increase and I was getting increasingly frustrated and down.  I was in a bad mood most of the time, but was managing to hide it form most of my friends.  I was lucky enough to have a supportive and loving girlfriend who I could talk openly to, but whilst that was great, it wasn't giving me a solution.  By now, I should have realised that things were only going to get worse unless I sought help.  Unfortunately, I just carried on and was rapidly reaching my breaking point.